17th of July, 2018

These Songs

I have a 3 hour train journey ahead of me.
I ended up going to sleep wrapped in a single sheet.
I woke up with the feeling of having had
The saddest dream I can't remember now.
Do they come crawling out of the depths
Every few years, screaming
And leaving corpses in their wake?

And it reminded me of how I used to paint -
Where the sun shines through the trees.
And toasts me like a marshmallow;
The split between tectonic plates.
But... I'm not seeing anything good.
Sorry.

Anxietea.
Muttering, "That's what I always say."
Don't get anxious about feeling weird.
I'm at this point
Where I am just going to stop talking to people.
I will literally break.
You knew this was coming.
"They won't help you."

And that says it all.
Nice.
And this.
Relieve stress with this.
With my love?
I can't believe I get to kiss you again.
You are going to be okay.
But it's definitely....
A process.
I think we can do it.
Which I think sums up how I feel about things.

Lay in the grass and look at the clouds.
Those exist too.
That's so fucking beautiful to me.
The universe does not seem real
At all.
How can something exist
And be so beautiful,
And perfect,
And messy,
And destructive,
And dangerous,
All at the same time?
I think
There's something amazing about
The way it combines all of these streams.

These songs are the exact same and nobody can convince me otherwise
And you cannot change my mind,
But being able to create something in that vein
Is a real aspiration for me.